They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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