We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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