You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
