You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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