He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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