It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
