i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
