Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize
