3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
