Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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