went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Quick, to the slutcave!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
