Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
