i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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