hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
