I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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