I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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