plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
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