and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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