apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
