I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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