So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
