that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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