I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
