Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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