i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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