Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
