My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
