....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
