so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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