The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
