just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
