I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
NoShamevember. You game?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
