I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
And then he peed in my hair
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