She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
