lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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