Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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