It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
