Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
