Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
