Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
