someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
