Where is the hickey?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
