I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
