he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
