i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
