i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
