Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
