people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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