he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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