I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
