i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
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We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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