Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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