i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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