We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
