Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
