apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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