she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
