Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
